Good:        Your wife is pregnant.
Bad:           It's triplets.
Ugly:          You had a vasectomy 5 years ago.

Good:        Your wife is not talking to you.
Bad:           She wants a divorce.
Ugly:          She is a Lawyer.

Good:        Your son is finally maturing.
Bad:           He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly:          So are you. 

Good:        Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad:           You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly:          You're in them.

Good:        Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad:           You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly:          Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.

Good:        Your husband understands fashion.
Bad:           He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly:          He looks better than you.

Good:        You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad:           She keeps interrupting.
Ugly:          With corrections.

Good:        The postman's early.
Bad:           He's wearing fatigues and carrying a gun.
Ugly:          You gave him nothing for Christmas.

Good:        Your son is dating someone new.
Bad:           It's another man.
Ugly:          He's your boss.

Good:        Your 16 year old daughter got a new job.
Bad:           As a hooker.
Ugly:          Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do!